


we finish each others sandwiches

by weddingbells



Category: BBC Radio 1 RPF, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Anxiety Attacks, Falling In Love, M/M, Radio host!Louis, Sex, past larry, trigger warning anxiety
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 05:31:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8044279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weddingbells/pseuds/weddingbells
Summary: “I thought you would change times when I said I could join you!” he says, thanking the guard for giving him his radio pass and lets Nick lead him to the lift. “I mean, I am a big popstar, don’t I get some special treatment?”Nick arches his eyebrows.“Are you serious?”Louis looks serious for a moment before he starts laughing.“No you idiot, I’m not serious. What do you think of me?” “A lot of things,” Nick says sweetly as he opens the door to their studio. “Not many of them are good.”
no one quite knows what will happen when louis tomlinson joins the radio 1 breakfast show. and no one could have guessed even if they tried.





	we finish each others sandwiches

**Author's Note:**

> this is the longest tomlinshaw i have written in a loong while and i'm very happy and pleased i managed to finish it! i hope you all will like it as much as i do, please comment and give kudos, or tell me why you won't give kudos and just... enjoy the tshaw. i love you guys xx

Nick gets the news from his boss the second he comes into work. Her look says it all, her eyes are almost glowing with excitement which always makes Nick excited too, or he is worried about what will come next. Because it could be anything. Honestly, he dressed up as a big red crab once. The surprises can never be _too_ surprising in this job.

“Nick!” she says, and her grin gets wider and Nick smiles back, hoping his nerves doesn’t show. “I have great news!”

“Great!” Nick says, and he sits down as he waits for it. “What is it this time?”

“Well, since Fifi is going on her honeymoon,” she starts, still grinning. “I have found you a new co-host for those weeks that will be with you instead, and if it works out, he might even join your group full time. If he is interested. He wants some new stuff to do and clearly radio was something he hadn’t tried. It’s huge Nick, huge. No one will expect it, it might just be the biggest thing happening to us since Gaga!”

“Who is it?” Nick asks, and well, a new co-host is better than doing the show alone and also way, _way_ better than having to dress up as a crab, or a cow, or maybe something else entirely. “Is it president Obama? He will be out of a job soon, right?”

His boss rolls her eyes as if she thinks he is stupid. What, Nick thought it was a good guess.

“No. It’s Louis Tomlinson! You know, from One Direction?”

Nick _has_ to laugh. Mostly because the idea of Louis on radio with him feels so silly, but also that she feels the need to explain who _Louis Tomlinson_ is.

“I’m sorry,” Nick says, as he stops laughing and she is staring him down with dark eyes. “But it must be a joke, right? Louis doesn’t want to do radio, does he? And a _morning_ show?”

“Well he signed yesterday, and seems excited,” she says, and shakes her head. “It will be great!”

“Oh, and you didn’t ask me?” Nick asks, trying to look hurt over the fact. She stares at him as if he is stupid.

“I am telling you now, that’s good right?”

Nick has something to say to that but he doesn’t, instead he just smiles and nods, following her into the studio so that he won’t be late for work.

Louis Tomlinson, _huh_. That could be interesting.

 

**

 

It’s not as if Nick doesn’t know Louis, he thinks as he makes his way to the studio Monday morning. Louis’ first day. Wow, there are so many weird things about this. Nick knows Louis. Five years ago or so, he knew him pretty well.

Well, not as well as he knew Harry, whom Nick will say might be one of his best friends, and he hopes Harry would agree.

But it’s been years. And Harry has moved to Los Angeles, and Louis is a bit of everywhere, and the last thing Nick knew, they broke up and wasn’t on that fond of speaking terms.

Harry doesn’t mention much of it when him and Nick does meet up, and Nick has only heard it was some kind of heartbreak involved.

Maybe that’s why Louis didn’t talk to him much after that, except for in interviews that is. Maybe it was something that caused him to not want to talk to Nick, Harry’s best friend.

Thinking about this has Nick even more nervous as he sits in his taxi and they pull into the driveway leading up to radio 1. What if he says something stupid? What if he rips open an old wound or something? That would be typical of him, and probably he will do it on air as well.

Nick thanks the driver, walking up to the house as he thinks of everything he could ask and talk about that isn’t about love or One Direction. He manages to come up with new Disney movies before he notices Louis standing in the entrance hall, smiling and talking to one of the guards there.

Nick clears his throat, heading inside too.

“Louis!” he calls, waving a bit, hoping it’s welcoming enough. Louis looks up, and a smile, a soft, small one, curls his lips.

“Nicholas Grimshaw,” he says, holding his hand out for a handshake. “I should have known it was you. Only you can sound this cheerful this early in the mornings.”

Nick rolls his eyes, shaking Louis’ hand and shakes his head as they part.

“And only you would be an idiot enough to take a morning job when you clearly _hate_ getting up early,” he says, wondering if he is going too far too soon, but Louis just grins.

“I thought you would change times when I said I could join you!” he says, thanking the guard for giving him his radio pass and lets Nick lead him to the lift. “I mean, I am a big popstar, don’t I get some special treatment?”

Nick arches his eyebrows.

“Are you serious?”

Louis looks serious for a moment before he starts laughing.

“No you idiot, I’m not serious. What do you think of me?”

“A lot of things,” Nick says sweetly as he opens the door to their studio. “Not many of them are good.”

Louis punches him in the arm. It’s a good start to a show, as any. It feels better than Nick thought it would.

He probably worried for nothing.

 

**

 

They had expected a lot of extra listeners and attention because either if Nick wouldn’t say it so that Louis could hear it, he _is_ a member of One Direction after all, and their fans are very much into him.

“So Nicholas,” Louis says between two songs, chatting like a natural host already. “Will you get me coffee as we go to the news with Tina? Since I’m new on the job, you should treat me extra good, am I right?”

Nick laughs, loud, and shakes his head.

“Do you see what I have to put up with?” he asks, looking into the camera currently on in the studio. “But no, Mr. Tomlinson. Since you’re new, I think it’s only fair you work your way up. Maybe you should get all of us coffee.”

“I agree with that!” Tina says, and Nick beams as Louis rolls his eyes.

“Get your own coffee, you git.”

“Charming,” Nick says, before turning his attention to the actual work they do. “And before news with Tina, here is the new Gaga. Enjoy!”

 

**

 

When it’s lunch time it takes Nick a while to remember that Louis is new, and he looks a bit lost when all start to talk about going to the regular place.

“It’s a sandwich place, straight across from here. You wanna come with?”

“Uh,” Louis looks out and then back at Nick. “I’m uh… I’m fine, maybe I can grab something after the meeting. “

His stomach growls, and Nick stares, before he understands.

“You want me to bring something back? The others do that sometimes, I can bring back a sandwich for you and me and you don’t have to, you know, deal with the crowds.”

Nick never has much of a crowd when he works, it’s nothing like what is outside right now, at least a couple of dozen of people and maybe even more will show up if they hear Louis is going outside.

“You really don’t have to,” Louis says quickly and Nick needs to roll his eyes.

“God, look at you being all obnoxious. It’s really no big deal, okay?” Nick shoves him a bit too hard, but gently at the same time. “Do you like bologna? Any allergies?”

“I’m really not that picky but I’ll write it down for you,” Louis says, grabbing a napkin that he starts scribbling on. (rather serious, Nick thinks, for someone _not that picky_.) “And can you get me a coke? Here, is…”

Nick stops him as he reaches for his wallet.

“Please, it’s on me,” Nick says, acting dramatic. “I mean it’s your first day at work, I am sure you haven’t made that much money yet, let me buy you a sandwich.” There is a twinkle in his eye, and he is pretty sure Louis is going to protest but he stares him down until Louis just puts his wallet away.

“Yeah uhm, okay. Thank you.”

“See you soon,” Nick chirps, grabbing the napkin and following the rest of the gang to the shop.

 

He loses the napkin somewhere along the way which he admits as he returns, bag in hand and handing Louis his coke.

Louis’ reaction is to roll his eyes.

“You’re pretty useless, aren’t you?” he asks. Nick sticks his tongue out.

“Hey, let me remind you who is keeping food in your belly. I mean, it might not be the food you wanted but at least it’s food.”

“I feel blessed,” Louis laughs as he grabs his sandwich, taking a bite as soon as he unwraps it. Nick smiles softly and starts eating too.

It’s quiet for a moment, and Nick doesn’t like it. It gives him lots of time to think, and his thoughts wander, wander to places where they shouldn’t, to parts of his brain that wants to ask what Louis is _actually_ doing here, and what happened between him and Harry, and probably other things he shouldn’t ask.

He drinks his water and Louis sighs.

“Come on, spit it out.”5

Nick swallows.

“What, the water?” he asks innocently. “That would be rude, Louis. Not sure the cleaner would want to clean up after a food fight. Water fight.”

He is happy Louis finished his sandwich because he is pretty sure Louis would have tossed it at him if he still had it.

“You know that’s not what I meant you wanker,” Louis says, shaking his head. “Come on, ask me what you’re thinking. I mean everyone else has asked me anyway. Liam wouldn’t shut up asking about why I want to be a radio host. So go on.”

“Well, that was not at all what I wanted to ask,” Nick shakes his head, drinking more water. “I wanted to ask you your opinion on Brexit.”

Louis stares.

“That’s not what you wanted to ask, doofus.”

“Politics interest me!”

“I’m sure you don’t even know what it means.”

Nick grasps over his heart as if Louis just stabbed him.

“That hurt,” he says, but Louis doesn’t seem to care so Nick sighs. “Fine. I guess I’m a bit curious on why you would want to join the radio but you know, I don’t feel like it’s my thing to know, if you get me? I mean, we’re not really friends anymore are we? It’s been a while since we all used to hang out, and it… yeah.”

Nick shrugs, and he wishes he could just get to the point in a better way. Louis looks surprised, as if that wasn’t what he had expected.

“So you don’t want to know?”

“I’m not nosy,” Nick tells him, which makes Louis laugh.

“I remember you being pretty nosy.”

“You listened to much too Harry back then,” Nick says before he can stop himself, and he worries that maybe that was making Louis remember something he shouldn’t, but Louis just laughs.

“Yeah,” Louis says, finishing his coke with a soft smile. “I guess I did. I mean, I…”

Nick never gets to find out what Louis meant because Louis curses as he looks at the watch.

“Shit, the meeting starts in five minutes, I don’t want to be late.”

“Please,” Nick says, waving his hand. “Everyone, _always,_ are a bit late to those, don’t worry.”

“I’m not everyone though,” Louis grins and gets up, throwing away the paper from his sandwich. “Are you going to come with me or will you be fashionably late to fit in with your bad boy image, huh?”

Nick sighs. He tries to glare at Louis as he stands up.

“You being here will really make it difficult for me to be bad, I can tell already.”

He is pretty sure Louis hums something at that, but he doesn’t hear what.

 

**

 

“I have a question!” Louis turns to Nick, blinking. It’s Louis’ third day and by now Nick feels as if he has always been there. It’s weird of things work. “Why did you cut off all your hair? Because as I remember it, you said you couldn’t pull off that look, because of your potato head. Did you get a head transplant?”

Nick gasps.

“Excuse you!” he says, shaking his head. “First things first, _how_ do you remember me saying that? And second, maybe I woke up one day and just wanted to join the army. That could be it.”

“Or you had lice,” Louis says sweetly and Nick grunts.

“When is Fifi coming back?!” he asks Tina and Tina is laughing along with Louis.

“Oh come on, you know Fifi would say the exact same thing as Louis,” Tina grins, and Nick wonders what it feels like to have a team that is actually on your side. That would be a lovely feeling.

“Fifi loves me,” Nick defends himself, or her, he is not really sure. “She would not accuse me of something like that.”

“Hashtag stay strong Nick,” Louis says, writing something on his phone before Nick can stop it, and he laughs as he tweets it.

“No, no, you don’t get to come into the studio and turn _me_ into hashtags,” Nick says, trying to sound offended but he can’t stop himself from laughing either. God, this show is going to be so weird, he can already hear producer Vic asking them to be more serious.

“Too late, already trending,” Louis grins, showing Nick the phone and the twitter app ticking away with new tweets about it. He notices tweets from those clearly listening in on the show, and then those who just tweets because Louis did and are mildly confused about what the hell is going on.

“You’re confusing the internet,” Nick scolds Louis. “That’s very, very rude. I might have to fire you.”

“You can’t fire me,” Louis says happily. Nick grunts.

“I sure can.”

“No you can’t,” Tina agrees and Nick wonders why there is such a thing as a team on a show, he could do this show alone and not have to be ganged up on every single morning.

“Can I fire myself?” he asks instead, but all that happens is that Louis laughs louder and him and Tina moves on talking about something else.

Nick watches with fond eyes, and he is happy there are no cameras around to see it.  

 

**

 

“I have a confession to make,” Louis mumbles as they are eating their sandwiches the next day. Nick looks up, hoping he doesn’t have sauce all over his face.

“Mhm?”

“I knew you saying that about the hair because I listened in on your show a few times,” Louis tells him, and Nick wants to laugh at how he is making this seems like the biggest confession since he came out.

“You did huh?” Nick nudges his arm in a teasing way. “And why did you do that?”

He waits for some mean response, the way Louis seems to always talk to him, but that doesn’t come.

“Well…” Louis shrugs a bit. “Will you judge me if I say listening to you makes it feel a bit as if I’m… home?”

Nick blinks, surprised. He had really not expected that to be the reason, or for Louis to even admit to something like that. Saying it out loud? Nick is floored.

“Are you going to laugh at me?” Louis asks, looking at Nick with dark eyes. “Because if you’re gonna laugh I will…”

“No, no, no laughing,” Nick says quickly, shaking his head. “Not even a little bit of laughter, just, you know, a bit surprised that’s all.”

“Is it that weird?” Louis looks worried for a moment. “I mean, come on you’re… I mean we used to hang out when I dated Harry and you’re, you know… your voice isn’t that bad.”

Nick stares.

“My voice is not that bad.”

“No,” Louis nods. “I mean it’s… a pretty okay voice to listen to when you’re alone in a hotel room.”

It turns a bit too serious there for Nick. He clears his throat, shaking his head.

“So when you’re saying you listen to my voice in your room… please tell me your hands are on the blanket.”

“Nicholas!” Louis groans and Nick needs to laugh.

“Sorry, sorry I’m just messing with you, sorry.”

“You pervert,” Louis mutters. “Is it all about sex for you?”

“What else is there?” Nick asks innocently but then he turns serious again when he remembers what Louis actually said. “Uhm, well… I mean I’m happy. That I could, you know, make you feel like home.”

“Your humor sucks though,” Louis tells him. “And your life seems sad.”

Nick rolls his eyes.

“Weren’t we having a sweet moment here?”

“We were,” Louis agrees. “And who ruined it? Not me.”

Nick grins. It might have been him, but he isn’t going to admit to that.

Despite, he isn’t really sure why they are having a sweet moment. It almost makes him want to blush, which is a real weird thing.

“Are you really one to say someone else’s life is sad, if you have to listen to my show to feel like home?”

Louis punches him lightly in the arm.

 

**

 

When it’s Friday they have the meeting early and then Nick is about to head home when Louis stops him in the hallway.

“Nick!”

“Oh hey, look who survived a full week of waking up early,” Nick teases. “And eating food I brought you. Didn’t know you would be able to handle it.”

“What, the waking up or your food?” Louis grins and Nick pretends to think about it.

“Well… maybe both. Maybe I spat in your food.”

Louis gasps.

“You would never do that.”

“You don’t know that love,” Nick winks. Louis just sighs. Nick starts laughing.

“Have a good weekend Louis. You did good, honestly.”

“Did you want to go get some coffee or something?” Louis asks him as Nick heads to his taxi. Nick shakes his head.

“Can’t, gotta go home to the dogs.”

“Oh,” Louis says. “Maybe some other time.”

Nick almost misses the disappointment in his voice.  He doesn’t though, thank god.

“You know, you could come with me, if you want,” he says with a little smile. “The dogs are loving it when I bring home people to give them more attention.”

Louis’ face lights up for a moment. It seems so very pure. It’s almost one of those moments that Nick feels he should have on a bottle to take on bad days.

“Can I?” he asks, and Nick wants to laugh at the way he is eager like a little kid.

“Sure, unless you’re busy with some popstar stuff or something.”

 

Pig practically jumps at Louis and Stinky stays behind careful at first, but then joins in as Pig, with her tongue all over Louis’ face, clearly shows that he is an okay human being.

“Well that’s Pig on your face now,” Nick says with a fond laugh. “And the one coming now is Stinky. Baby.”

“Aw, is your daddy calling you stinky?” Louis asks, both dogs in his arms. “You’re not stinky at all.”

“Uhm no, it’s a name,” Nick explains with a chuckle. Louis looks up.

“What the hell, who names their dog Stinky?”

“Stinky Baby!” Nick corrects him. “It’s a good name, I promise.”

“You’re the absolute worst person in the world,” Louis grins, but he is smiling when he meets Nick’s eyes. “Can we take them for a walk?”

“Not when you’re gonna be rude,” Nick mutters, but then Louis pouts and Nick finds himself getting up to get their leashes.

 

Louis is a natural dog walker, which Nick tells him as they walk down the street.

“So hey, if the radio job doesn’t work out for you, maybe I can just hire you for this,” he grins as Louis jabs his side. “Oh come on, it’s a nice thing. I said a nice thing!”

“You’re a dick,” Louis tells him, but his voice is as warm as the look he gives him. It makes Nick feel happy in ways he probably shouldn’t. The realization of that hits him like a brick, and he takes a step to the side to not be as close, as if that will help. It’s Harry’s _ex_ , he tells himself, and clears his throat.

“So, you want to stay on the radio then, no dog walking?” he asks, hoping that this will lead them in on the subject again so Louis can tell him what he is actually doing on radio 1. Louis laughs.

“Well, you know radio is fine now, I mean… it’s fine,” Louis grins, helping Pig get a stick out of a pile of them so she can carry it with her. “Company’s a bit weird though.”

“Hey,” Nick nudges him, which really doesn’t help with the staying away. “I happen to be great company.”

“Nah, you’re okay,” Louis hums, watching the dogs now. “You know I spend most my time with three guys who are pretty…”

If they are pretty something, or just pretty, is lost in a shriek coming from across the street.

“It’s Louis Tomlinson!”

Nick looks up and so does Louis, and god, Nick isn’t sure if he has ever seen that many people at once. It’s like ants on a picnic or something, because Nick is pretty sure that the closer they get, the more of them there seems to be.

“Louis, please sign this!”

“Louis can I get a selfie?”

“Oh my god that’s such a cute dog, oh my god is that your dog? Louis!”

They ignore Nick, but Nick notices Louis and Louis looks at him with terror in his eyes.

“Uh…” he tells one of the closest girls before he is dragged into one photo, and then the other, and then someone hugs him tight.

Nick notices how he turns pale and it worries him.

“Okay, okay, break it up guys, break it up!” he calls, making his way through and grabbing Louis’ arm.

He feels tense and Nick pulls him close and it’s like Louis melts into him, as if he thinks he can disappear if he does that. Nick grabs both leashes and starts pulling away.

“Listen, let go or I’m calling the police!” he finally yells as the girls closest just won’t let go. That does it, and Nick can take Louis home quickly, and he tries to not look around too many times to see if there are anyone following them.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” he says as he closes the door behind them and letting the dogs run in the house. “Usually it’s…”

He notices Louis is down on the ground, his breathing fast and hard, and he is so white Nick thinks he matches his couch.

He has never felt this worried.

“Louis!” he falls to his knees, grabbing Louis’ chin to get him to look at him. Louis’ eyes wander, they look around in panic as if something is still following him. “Louis look at me, Louis, you need to breathe!”

“I…” Louis sobs, his breathing getting worse. “Nick, I…”

“Louis, breathe,” Nick remembers what Gillian has told him, she always knows what to do, and he starts breathing slow himself, in and out. “Breathe, okay? Breathe, follow me, breathe. I need you to breathe Louis.”

Louis lets out another sob, but he softens in Nick’s hands and soon he starts breathing. Shaky at first, nervous, and then it more and more sounds as if he is actually breathing the way Nick is. Nick looks him deep in the eyes as he looks back.

“I’m here, it’s just you and me and the dogs, nothing else, you’re here and it’s all good.”

“Shit,” Louis says, and then he is up on his feet before Nick can stop him, moving away from Nick. “Shit, shit I’m so embarrassed, shit, I’m sorry.”

Nick quickly follows him.

“Louis…” he says softly. “Don’t, okay? Don’t apologize. Let’s have tea, okay? You need it.”

Louis looks as if he is going to turn the offer down, but he nods finally. Nick feels relieved.

 

Louis is quiet for a long time when they sit with their tea, but soon he opens up.

“It’s worse when I’m alone,” Louis says quietly. The tea mug in his hand seems too large for them, as if Louis turns smaller with every word coming out of his mouth. As if he has learned that he needs to disappear, to hide when he is like this. It breaks Nick’s heart. “I think too much, you know? And then I’m around people and something just happens, if it’s too much going on like… like today, I just freak.”

Nick sips his tea.

“How long?” he asks.

Louis shakes his head.

“I don’t know. Couple of years? Everything was fine first and then it just… it started to make me nervous. Not the shows maybe, not things planned but… as soon as we went outside and people came up to us, when we… I just started freaking.” He laughs, as if it’s something to laugh about. “I feel like such an idiot.”

Nick shakes his head and hesitates but then let’s his hand rest on Louis’ thigh.

“Louis, you’re not an idiot. Are you getting any… help, you know?”

Louis bites his lip and nods.

“Therapist, you know? Some medicine, but I… it’s been good lately so I thought I didn’t need the pills and I… yeah. And I try yoga, because Harry told me it would be good.” Louis grimaces, a weak smile. “Such a Harry thing.”

Nick can’t help but smile too.

“So you’re on good terms then, you and Harry?” it’s probably a stupid thing to ask right now but it just slips out and Nick is curious. Louis nods, almost surprised.

“Yeah we are, I mean, the drama was ages ago, he’s one of my best mates, don’t know what I would have done without him,” Louis turns quiet again. “First time I had an… attack, it was Harry who helped. I mean, it was just… it was so scary. So fucking scary, you know?”

Nick nods, not sure what to say.

“I… I wish I could do something,” he whispers, and Louis smiles.

“Well, you let me have this job, right? It’s been… a very good week. It’s easy, being on radio you know?” Louis moves a bit closer into Nick’s touch. It shouldn’t feel as warm as it does. “I didn’t know it would be this good for me but… it’s been good for me.”

“Yeah, it’s a fun job,” Nick says with a little smile as Louis drinks his tea. “I like it.”

“It’s nice you know, being with you too,” Louis says, and Nick almost drops his tea which wasn’t very smooth.

“Uhm, I,” he says nervously. “It’s nice being with you too, you know? I mean… you’re… pretty okay,” he babbles, he knows, but Louis only smiles before getting up.

“I should get home, it’s late. Thanks for the tea.”

Nick gets up too.

“Uhm, you want help getting a taxi or…”

Louis laughs, shaking his head.

“Nick, I can manage, I’m not helpless, you know?”

“I didn’t mean…” Nick starts. Louis hugs him.

“Thank you,” he whispers, and Nick wraps his arms around him and holding him close. “I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

“I…” Nick swallows. “Uhm, happy to help.”

He could kick himself for sounding so stupid, but Louis just smiles, giving a little wave before petting Pig and Stinky, and then he is out.

“What a night huh?” Nick tells the dogs. He is pretty sure they would nod if they could.

 

**

 

When Monday comes, Louis acts as if the weekend didn’t happen and figuring he doesn’t want to talk about it, Nick does the same. They go through the show interviewing Mo Farah and Louis fawns over him, and it makes Nick wish he had some kind of power to always make Louis smile like that. Louis has a good smile.

 

When it’s lunch, Nick goes out to buy them something as their tradition has started now, and Louis excitedly awaits him when he comes back, even more when Nick shows what he bought this time.

“Chinese,” Louis says as Nick gets the bags out. “No sandwiches today?”

“Figured I could go with something new,” Nick gives him his dumplings and the noodles, opening his own soup. “Maybe sometime we can go crazy and actually go out.”

“Like a lunch date,” Louis hums and starts eating his dumplings. “Sounds good.”

“Date?” Nick laughs, even if his heart beats faster at that. “No, that’s not something that could happen. You’re too obnoxious to go on a lunch date with.”

Louis sticks his tongue out.

“And here I was thinking I could buy you a fancy lunch as thanks for Friday,” he says and Nick thinks that okay, they are talking about this. Good thing it’s not something they should forget.

“Fancy?” Nick asks, and Louis shrugs.

“Or you know, we could do dinner. On Friday, maybe? As a thanks for Friday. That will be all good, won’t it?”

Nick blushes, he blushes so much he actually has to look away hoping that Louis won’t notice.

“Uhm, I’m sure you have other plans a Friday night…”

Louis rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, that’s why I’m asking you. Do you want to or not? Because if you don’t you can just say no, you know.”

Nick thinks about it but then he nods.

“Yeah, okay, yes I want to.”

Louis’ face lights up and Nick can’t stop smiling at that.

 

**

 

When Friday comes though, Nick isn’t smiling, mostly freaking out. He left work early and Collette comes over because well, after a few moments alone Nick knows he is in desperate need of help. _Desperate_.

“Nick darl, you’re being kind of obsessive here don’t you think so?”

“I’ve only changed clothes _twice_ ,” Nick tells her. “That does not at all count as obsessive.”

Collette laughs at that, shaking her head.

“Oh Nick, babe, you might as well just admit to it already.”

“It’s normal!” Nick defends himself, fixing his tie. “Are you sure you can handle both dogs? Stinky is a bit…”

“Nick, it’s fine,” Collette tells him with a hand on his arm. “It’s just fun to be with the dogs and well, I want you to have fun. On a date. Where you can stay out as looong as you’d like.” She wriggles her eyebrows as that, and Nick grunts again.

“I feel like I’m a teenager being made fun of on the way to prom.”

“That means I’m doing my job,” Collette says, sounding pleased. “Now, condoms are…”

“Collette!” Nick actually blushes. “It’s not a date like that, we’re just friends who are going out to eat, I will not at all be needing condoms, thank you.”

Collette almost looks disappointed.

“Are you sure?”

“Very sure,” Nick grunts. “Now please, I’m gonna be late so… I need to go.”

He hugs her, kisses the dog and then quickly runs out to the waiting car.

 

He makes it to the restaurant with two minutes to spare and he sees Louis outside waiting for him.

He looks absolutely breathtaking. Nick feels his heart do a little jump, and he wants to tell it to stop but it’s too late. God, Louis looks good. And he looks like a smiling, nervous little goof standing there waiting for him.

Nick has time to think that maybe he has a crush, but he pushes that thought away, and Louis waves.

“You made it!”

“Am I late?” Nick asks, worried, because he didn’t want to be late. Louis laughs and shakes his head.

“Just in time. Do you want to head inside? I’ve had them ready our table so…”

Nick nods. Louis smiles at that and he walks in, Nick following him closely.

It’s one of those luxury restaurants, one that Nick heads to with his friends when they really want to do something special, but also one of those places where Nick thinks it would be nice to sometimes take a boyfriend. He glances over at Louis when he thinks that and wonders if he thinks about the same thing. Probably not.

“So, it’s on me so order what you want, no need to save,” Louis winks and Nick rolls his eyes.

“Trying to be my sugar daddy or something, Tomlinson?”

“Kinky, Grimshaw, didn’t know you were into that,” Louis wriggles his eyebrows and Nick hides behind his menu.

“Shut up,” he murmurs. “I’ll order something very expensive just to piss you off.”

 

They end up ordering the same though, which seems like something couples would do and Nick really wishes he could stop thinking about that because seriously, what is wrong with him?

“This was a fun week,” Louis says as they start eating. “Is it always like this?”

Nick laughs, shrugging as he drinks some wine.

“Well, kind of, I mean, guess it depends on what you see as fun,” he hums, wiping his mouth on the napkin. “But yes, it was a fun week. I… it’s fun with you,” he adds, hoping it doesn’t sound like too much but Louis only looks happy.

“I have fun with you too,” Louis says softly. “I really wonder why we haven’t hung out more, I mean, we get along don’t we?”

Nick pretends to think about it.

“Or… do we hate each other?”

Louis grins, poking Nick’s hand with his thumb.

“Maybe a little.”

They get their main courses and are halfway through them when Nick hears a loud voice.

“Ooh look it’s Nick Grimshaw and Louis Tomlinson, should we all fall to our knees now?”

Nick looks to the side, it’s a guy standing at the entrance. He looks drunk, very drunk, and as if he really wasn’t supposed to be there. Nick looks around but no security or personnel seems to be around to take care of it.

“Ignore it,” Louis whispers.

“You guys suck!” the guy shouts. “Why do I have to listen to faggots in the morning, can you just let us be? Worst show ever.”

“Ignore it, ignore it,” Louis whispers, and Nick feels anger boiling. He isn’t used to ignoring things like this, he doesn’t want to.

He looks over at the guy.

“Get lost,” he tells him, but the guy starts laughing.

“Ooh, I’m so scared now. You wanna fight, is that what you want? Because I’ll…” the guy takes a few steps closer to their table, when suddenly, finally a security person grabs him, throwing him outside as the people around the table stares at them.

Nick feels furious.

“I’ll talk to the manager, this is unacceptable,” Nick looks around to find someone, wanting to tell them what he thinks about them not having anyone at the door when things like this happen, but Louis grabs his arm.

“Please,” he says quietly, pulling him with him. “Please let’s just go, please. I… please.”

Nick recognizes the signs now.

It might not be the same as when they were mobbed on the street but he knows now how Louis looks when his panic attacks starts. He knows he needs to get away. Louis’ eyes change, they lose the spark, and his breathing seems hard.

“Stay calm,” he whispers. “I’ll take you home, okay? Just breathe.”

Louis nods, and he follows Nick. They call for a taxi and it takes forever.

 

When they finally are in Louis house, Louis collapses on the couch and Nick sits down next to him on the floor, making sure he breathes and calms down until Louis finally seems to be able to talk. Nick brushes a finger over his cheek, Louis leaning into the touch.

“You okay?” Nick asks. “Really, I want to…”

“Please, let’s not talk about it,” Louis mumbles. “Please, I just want to forget.”

Nick nods. He doesn’t say anything else, just stays as Louis seems to try to remember how to breathe again.

“Are you okay?” Nick whispers.

“I’m sorry I ruined our date,” Louis says, shaking his head. “I can’t seem to make this right huh, can I? Always something happening…”

Nick swallows. There it is again. _Date_. As if this is what they’re doing. _Dating_. But it’s not what he reacts more to, because never will he have Louis thinks this is his fault, that he ruined something.

“You didn’t,” Nick whispers. “Louis, you did not ruin anything. That guy was a jerk and we react… I mean, I… it’s understandable. You didn’t ruin one thing. I had a lovely time tonight. I just want you to be okay.”

Louis smiles, and he cuddles up in the sofa and looks so pleased that Nick feels like maybe now is the time he should just leave.

“I’ll see you Monday,” Nick says with a soft voice, and Louis nods. “If you’re okay on your own now?”

“Monday.”

Nick’s legs feels almost heavy. He gets up and walks towards the door, wondering if it is because he has been sitting weirdly next to the sofa.

“Nick…” Louis says as he is heading out the door.

“Yeah?” Nick asks, turning around so that he can see him. Louis is standing up.

“Could you maybe… stay?” Louis whispers, and Nick can almost see how he is fighting to get every word out. “I mean if… I know you probably… I just… don’t want to be alone.”

Nick shakes his head. Then nods.

“Yes, yes. I mean it’s no problem. I can stay.”

Louis looks so relieved. Nick wants to wrap his arms around him and never let go. It’s a strange feeling, one he hasn’t felt in a very long time. It feels nice.

“Don’t try anything,” Louis warns with a little laugh, as if he can’t handle this if they don’t make it into a joke. Nick plays along, rolling his eyes.

“Don’t worry, don’t worry. I’ll make sure to just stay on my side.”

Louis smiles, and he shows Nick to the bedroom where he gets into bed, waiting for Nick to follow.

The bed is big enough that they don’t even touch, but Nick is pretty sure when he watches Louis falls asleep, that he has never felt closer to anyone.

It’s terrifying.

 

**

 

If Louis seems tired when he gets to the studio, it’s nothing compared to how tired he is when he actually needs to get out of bed.

Nick wakes up, sitting up in bed momentarily confused about where he is and then he notices Louis next to him and remembers last night. Right.

He wonders if he can sneak out and make some tea, and maybe hide the way his morning wood isn’t really going anywhere after the view of sleeping Louis, when Louis grunts and his arm ends up around Nick’s waist.

“Too early,” he mumbles and Nick can’t breathe because Louis is so warm against him.

“Uh, we need to get up,” Nick whispers. “I need a wee.”

Louis grunts again.

“Hold it,” he tells him. “It’s Saturday.”

 Nick laughs in panic.

“Not gonna happen uh, just… gonna get out from under here…” he crawls out from underneath Louis’ arm, getting out of bed and adjusting himself as discretely as he can muster without looking like an idiot.

Shit, shit, shit, why does his body have to act like this? It’s Louis for Christ’s sake. What a great way to fix his friendship with Harry, feel some kind of things for his ex-boyfriend. That’s what all friends want, Nick thinks as he makes it to the bathroom and splashes his face with water.

He is tempted to tell his own reflection to get a grip, but he isn’t quite there yet in his insanity.

 

When he makes it out of the bathroom, Louis is still in bed and Nick wonders if he can make them some tea.

“Tea,” Louis grunts as if he hears his thought and Nick has to laugh.

“You need to have a partner who can make you tea,” he tells him with a little laugh, but Louis just grunts again.

“I’m willing to pretend you’re my partner for an hour if you just get me a bloody cuppa, Grimshaw.”

Nick has to laugh at that, there is no other reaction.

“Fine,” he says. “One cup of tea, and then I’m out of here.”

It turns into three cups of tea and Louis making him watch a silly movie, but it’s not something Nick is complaining about.

It’s one of the best starts to the weekend he’s had in years.

 

 

**

 

“Sorry viewers if I’m a bit of a tired host this morning,” Louis says dramatically after the first songs have played and Nick is busy getting a few promo tweets out. “Monday morning, and I had trouble sleeping this weekend. It was as if there was a ghost in my room or something.”

Nick looks up, wondering why Louis is doing this as he sees Louis grinning.

“Aw, poor Louis,” Nick says. “Single life, huh? So lonely that all you have is a ghost. Was it a good ghost, anyway?”

“Nah, average,” Louis sticks his tongue out and Nick has to stop himself from snorting.

“I had a ghost myself,” Nick continues. “It was a little shit.”

Louis huffs, and Tina joins in.

“Did I miss something? Are we promoting Ghostbusters? I thought there were here a couple of months ago, or is this déjà vu?”

“No, no,” Louis quickly says. “We’re just having a bit of a conversation about ghost. How about sometimes, for example, ghosts forgets to put sugar in your cup of tea. Horrible.”

“Maybe you should appreciate the ghost making you tea,” Nick says with a sweet voice. “Because most people would probably run the other way if they had to see you in the morning.”

Louis looks offended but then he adds with a sly grin.

“Aw is someone upset you won’t ever see me in the mornings?”

“Eh!” Nick quickly says, knowing he needs to change the subject before twitter goes insane. Probably already has. “Here is Fall Out Boy, we’ll be back soon and we have an interview with Simon Cowell you don’t want to miss.”

He leans back in his chair as if he needs to breathe properly once the music starts. Louis smirks, Tina and Vic watches them confused.

“Who’s a little shit?” Louis hums, and Nick is pretty sure he is the only one who can hear it.

 

**

 

When it’s break time after the show everyone is extremely tired. Nick says he can go for a coffee run, because really he is good at it, and maybe he wants to just get some fresh air because god, these shows with Louis are getting more and more intense. He isn’t sure what he is going to do.

Then again, he is feeling better and happier than he has in a long time so maybe he should just stop thinking too much about things. Just because they mess around like this doesn’t mean Louis feels anything.

Nick doesn’t think so, anyway.

“Oh thank you,” Louis says as Nick returns from the coffee run. He is grabbing the largest of the cups, the one he had asked Nick to get for him. “For one who is rubbish at remembering orders, you might have done good this time.”

Nick needs to roll his eyes, even if the view of Louis right now is pretty cute. He is cuddled up on one of the radio 1 sofas with Pig and Stinky Baby, because Gillian had to drop them off. It’s kind of okay giving him a cup of coffee.

Even if he is being a little shit.

“Excuse you,” Nick says and pretends to be offended by those words as if Louis always manages to get to him. “That might be the best coffee you’ll ever have.”

Louis glances at Pig and grins, as if they have a secret Nick isn’t into before he hums.

“Nah, I’d say it’s pretty average. I think it’s some spit in it.”

“I did not spit in it!” Nick says. Louis laughs.

“Thought you said you spit in all my food.”

“Kinda wish I had now,” Nick mutters and Louis leans in closer.

“Do you really?”

“Uh,” Nick says, and he suddenly is very aware of the fact that Louis is moving in closer. “Uhm…”

“Are you always this bad with words?” Louis hums, still close.

Nick swallows.

“I, uh, bad with words? No I, I mean… I…”

“I never really said thank you, you know… for you staying that night.”

Nick swallows nervously.

“Uhm well, that, is no big deal no, I mean no big… it’s… I…”

He hates himself.

Louis laughs softly.

“Idiot,” he murmurs, and Nick doesn’t see it coming until Louis closes the distance between their lips and Nick wonders if he is dreaming.

Louis tastes like coffee and smoke, it’s what to be expected and yet Nick is pretty sure he couldn’t prepare for this. The way Louis kisses is as eager as he sounds when something excites him, like when he talks about football or making new music. Nick lets his hands carefully run through Louis’ hair, tugging at the lengths at the same time Louis nibbles on his bottom lip and the kiss deepens even more.

Nick feels like he breaks when he forces himself to pull away.

“Sorry, I…” Nick whispers and his words get lost once more when he meets Louis’ eyes, and the man in front of him looks with wide eyes filled with both surprise and shock. “I… I shouldn’t have... done that.”

“Why not?” Louis murmurs, pulling Nick closer again. Nick melts into his arms. “And it wasn’t you, it was me. I kissed you first. I wanted it. Did you not want it? I’ve wanted it since last week.”

“I… you’re… we work together,” Nick whispers. Louis gives him another kiss, one that trail his neck.

“No rules about that, right?”

Nick closes his eyes, soft moan escaping his lips as he feels Louis’ mouth on him. It makes him want to know what it feels like having that mouth somewhere else. Everywhere. On all of him. Something he shouldn’t bloody think about when it’s Louis Tomlinson kissing him at work.

“You’re Harry’s ex,” Nick mumbles, and that makes Louis pull away. Nick lets out a little whine, because his body doesn’t agree with way his brain is making Louis pull away.

“Why does that matter?” Louis asks, and his eyes are confused now, as well as his body apparently because he looks smaller once he has pulled away. “We’re not together anymore so?”

“Well I…” Nick shakes his head. “I just…”

“You worry too damn much,” Louis smirks. “You shouldn’t, don’t you know it gives you wrinkles? You don’t want more of those.”

“Hey!” Nick starts, but Louis is kissing him again and Nick focuses on that.

“See?” Louis pulls away with a grin before he gets up to leave. “Much better than worrying, isn’t it?”

Nick is pretty sure he agrees.

“But…”

“Shh, no worrying,” Louis tells him. “Be quiet.”

For once, Nick is.

 

**

 

“Is that Louis you’re making googly eyes at?” Tina asks and Nick almost drops his coffee cup. He manages to save it from going completely down but he spills most of it on the floor.

“What? Shit, no!”

“I knew it,” Tina giggles. “I knew you were into him, I could tell from day 1. How long have you been smitten with him?”

“Smi… I… no, shit,” Nick grunts and he tries to grab a napkin to get rid of most of the coffee. “Tina, I’m not making googly eyes, where did you even get that from?”

“Uhm, because you know, I have eyes and a brain,” Tina rolls her eyes at him. “Now tell me more, did you tell him you like him? Did you do anything? Is that why you disappear every lunch, are you hooking up?”

“Tina!” Nick thinks he is going to faint. “It’s not like that, now please, don’t go around talking about this okay? Don’t… say anything.”

Tina laughs.

“You’re so smitten. Aw. This is cute, I’ve never seen you act like this, Grimmy!”

“Act how?” Nick asks, but she just laughs and hugs him.

“I’m happy for you,” she says, and then moves to help him clean the coffee off the floor.

Nick wants to ask why she is happy but now he doesn’t know if he will ever get a good reply.

God, god, fucking god, what a mess.

 

**

 

Louis asks if he can come with Nick and walk the dogs, and part of Nick thinks that maybe he should say no, but the bigger part of Nick wants nothing else so he agrees.

“Are you sure you don’t want to be a dog walker?” Nick nudges Louis as they head inside his home to get the dogs. Pig hears them from miles away, and Stinky Baby isn’t far behind. “You are good at it, no one can deny that.”

Louis laughs, brushing his fringe out of his face.

“Well, after all I haven’t decided on what to do once this week is over,” he says slowly with a teasing little smirk following. “Fifi is back Monday so that means no more Tommo, how sad for you huh? Are you gonna miss me?”

Nick bites his lip. Their flirting has only become more and more intense, and Nick isn’t sure when it happened or how it happened but he wonders if he can ever stop it now, especially after that kiss.

So far though, Louis doesn’t seem to have more kissing on his mind, apart from letting Pig lick all over his face, so Nick just laughs it away.

“Miss you? Yeah, as one might miss a tumor. You’ve done nothing but mess with me since you started. Can’t wait to have loving Fifi back with me,” he sticks his tongue out and Louis just laughs.

“We both know that’s not true, you know so.”

Nick doesn’t say anything, just glances over at Louis who looks so fond and happy. It’s such a good look on him, Nick didn’t know a person could wear a smile that well. He might be obsessed with Louis’ smile. Might be obsessed with a little bit of everything when it comes to Louis.

The walk is way longer than what Nick usually gives the dogs when he is on his own, and they are pleased and so is Louis.

“Well, thanks for the walk,” Louis says as they come back to Nick’s house and Nick nods.

“Uhm yeah, thank you. Too. I mean.”

Louis laughs.

“Stay in touch okay? Don’t let it take years again.”

He gives Nick a soft hug and Nick hugs him back as he shakes his head.

“No, I promise. Never again.”

Louis smiles, and then he is gone.

Nick wonders if he should have said something, but as always he comes up with good things when it’s too late for them to be said.

 

**

 

There is a knock on the door and Nick is puzzled as he opens.

He is even more puzzled when he sees Louis outside.

“Lou,” he says, and he feels as if something is stuck in his throat. “Did you forget something?”

“Yeah,” Louis breathes out. “I did.”

Nick isn’t sure who lunges forward first but it doesn’t matter when they are finally kissing again. The door closes behind Louis just as his jacket drops to the floor, and Nick lifts him up in his arms.

He stops thinking, it doesn’t matter anymore, he just stops thinking.

“Bed, bed, bed,” Louis mutters and all Nick can do is just do what he says, he should think about this probably but since his brain has shut off, Nick doesn’t.

“Okay,” he murmurs, and the kiss doesn’t stop, it doesn’t end as Nick carries Louis towards the bed, it almost doesn’t even stop when Louis starts touching him properly, when Louis starts pressing himself against Nick.

It’s magical.

The sounds Louis makes is enough to have Nick’s cock twitch, it makes him wish he didn’t wear such tight jeans, makes him wish he could just undress in seconds. It’s as if Louis reads his mind because he reaches over, popping the button on Nick’s jeans and unzipping them.

“Get these off, now, wanna see you,” he purrs, and if Nick had any worries about whether or not they should do this, they are all gone now and he decides to only go with what his body wants.

And his body wants Louis. That’s all it wants.

“Fuck you’re so beautiful,” Nick groans and then their shirts join their jeans on the floor, and Louis crawls up in bed before he shimmies out of his boxers.

Louis’ cock is hard, red, swollen and Nick wants to swallow him down until it’s all he can taste.

“Wanna fuck me?” Louis’ murmurs as he spreads his legs, the words coming out so sweetly it’s a mystery how he manages. “Do you?”

“Yes,” Nick breathes out. “Want you.”

He manages to get out of his own boxers as well, and when he is too completely naked he drapes his body over Louis’. Their cocks grind together as Nick presses down, and Louis lets out a soft little cry that is just as needy as Nick feels.

“Please…” Louis gasps. “Please fuck me, Nick please… please…”

Nick has to close his eyes. The view underneath him is too much, Louis is naked, pupils dilated and so black, so filled with lust and need and Nick could come just from this, and he doesn’t want that.

“How do you want me?” Nick murmurs, and he kisses down Louis’ neck, letting his tongue trace the veins. Louis whimpers again.

“Want… please… I…” Louis’ voice is a mix of grunts, groans and whimpers. It’s beautiful. No music Nick ever plays will be quite as good as this. “Open me… please…”

“Of course princess,” Nick whispers, and he reaches for lube as he hopes Louis won’t mind being called princess. It doesn’t seem like it. “How many do you want?”

Louis moans again and then he kisses Nick almost aggressively before biting down on his lips.

“Could you… I… you don’t have to but…”

Nick looks down, slightly confused in a way he probably wouldn’t be if he wasn’t having all of his blood in his cock and none in his brain.

“What do you want, hm?” he asks softly and then Louis’ face turns into a flushing shade of red as he moves his head so Nick can’t see his eyes.

“With… your tongue I… I know people think it’s… I… please…”

Nick’s grin widens as he realizes what Louis wants. He starts kissing down his body, tongue darting out over his nipples and tracing the abs.

“Tell me, I want to hear you say it,” he growls, and his voice is so filthy and Louis looks back at him, gasping and arching his back so that Nick can feel his hard cock pressing against his chest now.

“Nick!”

“Tell me,” Nick murmurs, kissing the inside of Louis’ thigh. He has skipped his dick, not giving it any attention and he isn’t showing signs of moving further into Louis. Louis whimpers.

“Nick…”

“Tell… me…” Nick growls, biting down carefully on the inside of Louis’ thigh, leaving a little lovebite there. Louis whimpers.

“I want your tongue in my ass, please Nick, please…”

“Well…” Nick purrs, licking his lips as his hands moves to Louis’ ass, spreading the cheeks. “Because you said please.”

He teases the entrance first, hearing Louis whimper, but then he pushes his tongue deep inside and Louis just invites him in, it’s a lovely feeling. He swirls his tongue around his hole, as Louis’ whimpering gets louder he grabs his hips, and then with his free hand he starts using two fingers.

When he’s got fingers and tongue in Louis’ ass, he can feel Louis almost trembling from pleasure underneath him. God, this is more than he ever thought it would be. This is heaven. Nick is on fire.

“Nick, god,” Louis whimpers and moans, arching his back. “I need you, can you please just fuck me, I need you, please…”

Nick needs it too. As much as he would like to have Louis come from just his tongue and his fingers, tease him for longer than this, he really just wants to get inside him. His cock is leaking, desperate to feel that tight heat and Nick pulls away, reaching for a condom.

“Let me,” Louis says, and he takes the condom from Nick and opens it.

They kiss when Louis slowly rolls it on, a sloppy, needy kiss and when he is done Louis falls down on the bed again, rolling around and getting up on all four, arse in the air for Nick.

“Take me,” Louis whispers, looking back at Nick with eyes of pure lust. Nick can’t ever say no to that, he is sure. He grabs Louis’ ass, giving it a squeeze before he holds him still.

Louis whimpers, grabbing onto the pillows as he pushes back against Nick and then finally, finally Nick positions himself.

He pushes himself in slow, going inch by inch and letting Louis adjust and then when he is fully in he stays like that for a moment. Part of it so Louis can adjust to his size, and part of it so that he can adjust to Louis because the sensation is like nothing else.

“Fuck,” is all he can say, and Louis cries out something he can’t even understand but he doesn’t care.

Louis starts grinding back against him and Nick starts thrusting. He goes slow first, but soon picks up the pace and when Louis starts begging for harder, Nick does what he says because when he is inside Louis, he is pretty sure he will never be able to do anything else than what he wants him to do.

“F-feel so good,” Louis gasps. “S-so close…”

Nick is close too and he really wishes he wasn’t. He wants this to last longer, he isn’t sure if it will ever happen again and he wants the sensation to last.

“Me too,” he says though, and Louis starts circling and rolling his hips back at him so that he can get him deeper.

And Nick is too close. Just too close.

“Come with me?” he asks and Louis nods, and then he pushes Nick back, getting on his lap and starts bouncing on his cock hard.

“Come inside me,” Louis’ breath his hot in his ear and it’s all too much.

He comes with a cry, and Louis isn’t far behind as he covers Nick in his come, white, hot, and pure bliss.

Nick falls down on the bed, all his limbs feeling as if they consist of no bones, and Louis is on top of him in a warmth.

 

Nick is in a haze when he comes down from the high of his orgasm, and he almost doesn’t notice Louis getting out of bed.

“Where’you going?” he mumbles, words barely out. Louis giggles, almost falling over as he gets into his jeans and then picks Nick’s shirt up from the ground and puts it on. Nick doesn’t mind.

“I gotta get home, we have work tomorrow right?”

“Mmm,” Nick is about to say he can stay but Louis kisses him.

“See you then,” Louis hums, and Nick drifts off to sleep again when Louis leaves.

He only remembers they _don’t_ have work tomorrow when Louis is already gone, and by then he doesn’t know if Louis just forgot or if he is trying to get away from him.

 

**

 

**_Sorry I left, my head was a mess, want to have coffee later today? Xx_ **

Nick reads the text when he wakes up properly and his heart moves in that way again.

He texts back a yes before even thinking about it.

 

**

 

“Well,” Nick says, carefully pushing the papers towards Louis. “You could look them through and… you know, we would love it if you joined the show.”

Louis looks at him, a smile on his lips that is a bit weak compared to his normal smiles.

“Do you really want me? I’m kind of a mess, aren’t I? I even forget what day it is.”

Nick smiles softly and shrugs.

“Well I’ll admit you have some bad qualities… some really bad…”

Louis huffs at that.

“Rude.”

“But, you do have some good things as well,” Nick says with a teasing grin. “So yes, I am sure we want you.”

“We… or you, Nick?” Louis asks, and if the tone to the conversation was teasing before, it’s now a bit of a serious tone to it. “Do you still want me there?”

Nick bites his lip.

“Because I don’t want to misunderstand things or…” Louis shakes his head. “I mean I am not saying… I just, it was fun and…”

“Louis, I really would like to still see you on the show,” Nick interrupts him. “I mean I… really would you… you’re nice you have around and… I like it, okay?”

Louis smiles softly at that. He takes the papers from Nick, and then nods.

“I’ll think about it, okay?”

Nick nods.

“Please do.”

Louis grins and leans back.

“So, Harry is visiting, are you going to see each other? Will you te…”

“Oh right, shit he is coming over,” Nick remembers suddenly and wow, how great it would be if he came home late to meeting Harry for the first time in months and it’s all because he is drooling all over his ex. Damn.

Louis laughs.

“I am not gonna kidnap you. Go. I can go home and read up on the papers and… you know.”

Nick nods.

“I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

Louis rolls his eyes.

“Yeah yeah, you can’t be away from me. Now go, Haz is not nice if you’re late.”

Nick sticks out his tongue but then he leaves.

 

**

 

Harry hugs him before Nick has time to even react to him even being there.

“Nicholas! I missed you!” he says as he almost squeezes Nick to death. Nick laughs at it though, hugging him back.

“Well that happens when you never call,” he says with a nudge and he hopes Harry might take the hint.

Harry does, and he looks a bit sad at that but the he moves on.

“So, how’s it been working with Louis?” he asks because clearly, that’s all that is important. Of course.

Nick swallows. Oh well, there it comes. He isn’t even sure what to say, but Harry seems to know what he wants to ask.

“I heard it… happened some stuff.”

First Nick is worried that maybe he heard about them hooking up, but Harry continues.

“With his panic attacks and stuff? How did it… go, I mean?”

Nick almost feels relieved that it’s about that. He can feel his body softening, apart from as he was tensing up and he nods.

“I felt like shit for not knowing what to do at first,” Nick admits and licks his lips. “I just… I didn’t know he had those problems. He never told me, you know? I mean then again why would he, we don’t really…” he shakes his head.

“You helped,” Harry says, smiling at Nick. “I’m happy to see you becoming friends, Nick.”

Nick can almost tell how a soft smile spreads on his own face as he thinks about the last few weeks. He is happy. Very happy, and every day with Louis has been nice.

“I just wish I could have helped more,” he says again. “You know… it’s the worst thing seeing him like that and… not knowing what to do. But he never… I mean he never said anything or asked for anything so I...”

“He’s very stubborn,” Harry says, voice soft and fond in a way that makes Nick’s stomach twist in way his stomach hasn’t in years. “He’s always been so stubborn. He doesn’t want to let people in, doesn’t want to ask for help, you know?”

“Yeah,” Nick says quietly. “I’ve… figured that out, I mean.”

Harry looks at him and then smiles.

“Oh, Nick.”

“What?” Nick asks, a bit too quick and Harry’s smile gets warmer.

“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”

“Fuck off!” Nick says, which isn’t really a good thing to say but he doesn’t know what else to say. He just doesn’t understand how Harry can go from talking about this, to in minutes just coming out with something like… _that_.

“Nick, it’s okay.”

“What is okay? You don’t get to show up here and tell me how I feel!” Nick says, and he isn’t sure why he gets so angry, why he gets angrier the softer Harry looks. “Is that why you came? To try to tell me how I feel, huh? Who did you speak to? Did Gillian say something? Collette?”

“I know you Nick,” Harry doesn’t raise his voice. “I can see that…”

“You _don’t_ know me okay?” Nick stands up. “You can’t show up after years of only visiting when you feel like it and then say you know me. I’ve changed, you’ve changed and my feelings for Louis, what does that matter?”

“Nick,” Harry frowns now. “I just want you to know that it’s okay to be…”

“Well I’m not,” Nick says and his voice is as loud as his face is red now. “I’m not fucking in love with Louis, okay? He is a guy working on my show, I’ve been helping him out, and soon he will quit and everything will go back to the way it was and I have _no_ feelings for him, okay? No feelings at all. So you can take your care and knowing and everything else you said and just shove it somewhere.”

Harry gasps, as if that was the worst thing Nick could say to him. Nick doesn’t even know why he said that. He has just never been so scared in his life, because his heart is beating faster with every word, everything that Harry says is just so true.

He doesn’t want it to be. It can’t be. He isn’t sure how to deal with this.

“I need to go,” Nick shakes his head and grabs his jacket.

“This is your house,” Harry reminds him, but Nick doesn’t care. He runs to the door, needing to get out, get away, just out.

He almost tackles Louis to the ground in the process.

He is about to ask when he arrived and how much he’s heard, but the look on Louis’ face tells Nick more than he needs to know. His heart drops.

“So, that’s it then,” Louis says, and Nick wants to die. The hurt in Louis’ voice is worse than a thousand knives in his gut. “Just some guy working for you huh?”

“Louis…” Nick starts, but he isn’t sure on what to say. He can’t even remember how to form words.

There is a tear trickling down Louis’ cheek. Nick wants to wipe it away, but Louis beats him to it and Nick isn’t sure he would be allowed anyway.

“No, no, I mean, what did I think?” Louis says, and his laughter is as cold as the look he is giving Nick. “That maybe you… that we had something, that maybe we could… that it was more than just a night.”

“Louis…” Nick tries again, but clearly all he can say is ‘Louis’ and it’s not very helpful. Louis shakes his head. There are more tears now, Nick can tell, but Louis seems to try to hide them.

“Well, I’ll just take this back then,” Louis looks down at the paper in his hand that Nick didn’t notice until now. “I mean, just signed the papers to join your team full time but maybe I should just not do that now.”

“Louis, it wasn’t…”

“You know, fuck you,” Louis says, and it’s almost welcoming, the anger in his voice. “I thought you were different, I thought you wouldn’t be like all those asses who just want to fuck and use me and pretend they care. I thought you were something else.”

“I am something else,” Nick says, and he is desperately reaching for Louis as Louis backs away. “I’m not like them.”

Louis laughs. It’s cold again. Nick feels as if it turned to winter. The Disney kind of winter.

“No you’re right,” Louis tells him. “You’re _worse_.”

Nick is frozen to the ground as Louis leaves. He wants to follow but he can’t move. Harry shows up next to him.

“I’ll talk to him. Louis, wait!”

Nick wants to stop him too, but he can’t do that either. He doesn’t move until Pig licks his leg and by then they are both gone.

 

**

 

Nick doesn’t sleep, and he doesn’t dare to try to call or even text Louis. A couple of days later though he texts Harry, and Harry calls him back immediately, as they decide to meet up. Harry is over within moments. Nick wishes he was always this close.

“I was waiting to hear from you,” Harry says softly.

“Did you… did you talk to him?” Nick bites his lip and waits for an answer he knows will come.

It does.

“He doesn’t want to talk to you,” Harry says, and he sounds sad. Nick closes his eyes.

“I kinda figured that out.”

“I think you should though,” Harry tells him, his hand on Nick’s shoulder. “I think he’s in love with you too, Nick.”

“I’m not…” Nick starts, but he stops himself. He can’t say it again. He just can’t.

He looks away instead, and Harry sighs.

“Why are you being so stubborn about this?”

“He’s your ex!” Nick says, a bit too quickly. “I can’t just go shack up with your ex now can I?”

Harry stares at him and then he sighs again. Nick really wishes he would just stop sighing.

“Louis and I broke up three years ago, Nicholas,” he tells him slowly. “We’re allowed to move on. Have I ever given you any reason to think I wouldn’t be okay with it?”

Nick shrugs.

“No. But then again, you haven’t been around either so I wouldn’t know.”

Harry lets out a soft little whine at that and then he is hugging Nick and Nick hugs back, and it’s so hard to not cry.

“I missed you,” Nick whispers as he is pressed into Harry’s shoulder. “I missed you so fucking much, Haz. You were my best friend and you just _disappeared_.”

“I’m sorry,” Harry whispers, and he hugs Nick even harder. “I’m a crap friend, okay? I know. Just please though, don’t let me being a crap friend ruin something good. I don’t want to ruin things between you and Louis.”

Nick has to let out a little laugh, and he wipes his eyes as he pulls away from Harry.

“I don’t need your help with that, clearly I was good enough to do that all by myself.”

“Just go to him,” Harry says. “Nick, please just… don’t screw this up, okay? You can’t, you’re good for each other. He always liked hanging out with you, I could tell. I think he was a bit jealous I was closer with you honestly.”

Nick blushes and he shakes his head.

“I just… worry about bothering…”

“Stop worrying,” Harry tells him. “Nick please just… go. Try to fix it. The least you can do, right?”

Nick sighs. He knows Harry is right.

“If I don’t come back, you know where to look for my body,” he tells Harry trying to be funny. Harry rolls his eyes and then practically push him out of the door.

 

**

 

When Nick is standing outside Louis’ home this whole thing doesn’t seem like a great idea anymore. He thinks about just turning around and going home but then he remembers the talk with Harry and he knows he is right, so before he can change his mind he knocks on the door.

It takes forever for Louis to open and first Nick is worried he might not even be home. But then he hears a key and the door opens.

“Hi,” Nick whispers, and Louis glares.

“Oh it’s you,” he says, shaking his head as he starts closing the door again. “Bye.”

“Please, just give me five minutes,” Nick begs, and it’s pretty much the first time he has ever begged anyone for anything. Pleads. He needs this. “Louis please, just five minutes and if you still want to hate me after those five minutes that’s all… okay. I’ll go back to be the stupid guy. I promise. Just give me five minutes.”

Louis doesn’t seem to want to open the door, but he also doesn’t completely close it so Nick thinks that is kind of a win.

“Please,” Nick says. “5 minutes. That’s all I want. Please.”

Louis still just stares at him. Nick wants to cry, he just doesn’t know what to do.

“Louis, please just give me 5 minutes I’ll… I’ll do anything just please let me have a chance to explain myself. Please.”

“Can I call you stupid on air?” Louis asks. Nick blinks, surprised with hearing Louis speak.

“I…”

“Because I want to do that,” Louis opens the door more now, and even if he does look a bit upset still, there is a smile on his lips that Nick missed so much. He feels like he has been away from Louis and his smile forever. It wasn’t something he had wanted to ever be away from. “Because let’s face it, you deserve it.”

Nick lets out a laugh, it’s a wet laugh because he is half in tears.

“That’s all?”

“I spoke to Harry,” Louis shrugs. “He told me how much of an idiot you can be. Biggest idiot actually, I think he said.”

Nick grits his teeth.

“He said that, huh.”

“He also said you’re a big headed, arrogant, cowardly little shit who are too damn chicken to admit his feelings,” Louis nods, and Nick laughs louder.

“Harry would never say that.”

“Yeah, okay,” Louis gives him a sly smirk. “That might have been me.”

Nick wants to laugh, but he also feels like he shouldn’t now because they still haven’t solved things, and Nick knows that even if Louis’ is laughing he can’t have forgiven Nick so easily.

“So... what are we doing?” Nick asks, biting his lip. “Should we… can I come in?”

Louis looks away. He sighs, shaking his head.

“I don’t know. You really fucking messed up, Grimshaw.”

Nick bites his lip even harder.

“I know. I know I did, just…”

“I appreciate you coming here,” Louis says softly. “But I think I need to think about this, you know? Like properly give myself time.”

Nick nods. He can handle that.

“Sounds good,” he murmurs, because he doesn’t know what else to say. Louis smiles.

“I’ll call you, okay? Say… uhm, say hi to the dogs from me okay?”

Nick smiles and nods.

“Of course I will.”

 

**

 

He spends the evening giving both dogs a bath which isn’t to recommend doing in a living room. When Pig is rolling around on his carpet, he hears the knock on the door.

Nick barely has time to open the door before Louis stumbles through it.

“I have thought about it,” Louis says, sounding almost out of breath as if he has been running. “I forgive you.”

“You do?” Nick asks, and it’s such a weird happy feeling filling his gut, his entire being, it makes him want to fly.

Louis nods.

“I do.”

“Oh god,” Nick says, and he could almost faint. “You’re back.”

“I want to make it clear, I’m mostly back because I missed the dogs,” Louis says. Nick rolls his eyes. _Here we go_.

“Sure you are.”

“They are cute and charming,” Louis continues. “Pretty much… pretty much everything you’re not, right?”

“Remind me, why did I fight to get you back?” Nick asks and it makes Louis laugh and he jumps up, wrapping his arms and legs around Nick before kissing him deeply.

“Because you missed this,” he mumbles against his lips. “And my bum.”

“Your bum is a very good thing about you,” Nick agrees. “I can’t even argue with that.”  

“You should show my bum how much you like it,” Louis purrs, leaving love marks over Nick’s neck that will be visible tomorrow and Nick doesn’t care one bit. “It needs to feel appreciated considering you left it alone for so long.”

Nick grunts as he carries Louis towards the bedroom.

“You need to stop talking about your bum like that, it’s crazy.”

“You’re crazy.”

“Just shut up,” Nick grunts and Louis laughs, giggling almost as they fall on the bed and clothes gets torn off between hungry kisses.

“No,” Louis gasps, rolls them over and grins as he straddles Nick’s thighs. “I want to hear it again. I want to hear you say you’re in love with me.”

Nick rolls his eyes, grabbing a handful of Louis’ ass, thankfully only covered by boxers now and not annoying trousers who are really just in the way.

“You’re so full of yourself.”

“Tell me,” Louis’ eyes sparkle and Nick really can’t resist that.

“I am kind of into you, I guess.”

“Kinda?” Louis arches an eyebrow as he grinds down against Nick’s needy erection, betraying him constantly in the prescence of this man. “Only kinda?”

“Very,” Nick gasps, hands moving to Louis’ hips now to keep him steady as he pushes up, their clothed dicks coming in contact with each other. “I am very, very into you.”

“I love you,” Louis purrs, and he kisses Nick just as Nick worries if maybe they are moving too fast, if this is all too soon, if you can’t be in love after just a few weeks of dancing around each other.

But he doesn’t care, he doesn’t care one tiny bit because everyone who has an opinion on this can fuck off, quite frankly, because as Louis undresses fully, Nick knows that he loves him.

In love. Crazy. It’s nothing but love.

Nick has felt lust before, crushes before, and he knows from the way he feels when Louis sinks down onto his cock, when he carefully wriggles to get comfortable, when they start moving together and Louis kisses him, he knows that it’s love that gets traded by their lips.

“I love you,” Nick breathes out, and he wraps his arms around Louis and rolls them over, getting them in a new position and he doesn’t start moving until Louis has arms and legs around him, holding him close as if they are made for each other. “I love you so fucking much. God, I’m crazy about you.”

“Mmm, tell me more,” Louis hums, but the way his body feels, the way his voice sounds in Nick’s ears, it’s pretty obvious he wants the talking to stop.

Nick listens, and he thrusts inside Louis so deep, so together, he isn’t sure where Louis’ body starts and where his own body ends, it’s like they are one and the same and he has never felt so complete before.

Louis smiles, and Nick knows for real that it’s the smile he wants to see for the rest of his life.

“I want to be with you forever,” Nick whispers. “Forever. No one else.”

Louis rolls his eyes.

“Cheesy git,” he teases him, but he wraps his arms and legs around Nick and pulls him in deeper. “Me too, me too. Is it weird that I want that? Just feels right.”

“It’s difficult to have this conversation with my cock up your arse,” Nick mutters and Louis laughs, kissing him deeply as he clenches around Nick.

“But I love this,” Louis murmurs and Nick cannot _not_ agree with that.

He thrusts deep in him one, two, three more times and with a cry of Louis’ name and Louis whimpering with him, he comes, feeling Louis come too as in sync as they have been since this whole thing started.

 

He needs a good few moments before he can breathe again, and this time Louis doesn’t disappear, he stays in his arms and Nick wraps them around him, mapping out Louis’ tattoos lazily with his fingers.

“Let’s not mess this up now, okay?” Louis whispers. “I mean it. I feel like this could be something good. Even if it is with you, I feel like this could be great.”

He chuckles at himself and Nick bites down on his shoulder, leaving a little mark.

“Should you really be rude to the man you’re currently sharing a bed with?” Nick asks and Louis grins, rolling over and getting on top of him.

“I plan to share my life with you Nicholas Grimshaw,” he tells him, smirk on his lips only growing wider as he kisses him again. “And believe me, if there is one thing I will be doing, it’s being rude to you. For the rest of my life.”

Nick wants to complain but in the end he doesn’t because well, there are worse things to deal with.

And he is pretty pleased with how this goes.

 

 

**_1 year later._ **

 

“1 year!” Nick says with a grin, raising his glass. “1 year of having Louis on the show…”

“And you in Louis,” he hears someone say and Nick glares out as the people around him start laughing.

“Shut up!” he hisses. “This is going to be a nice moment and you will not ruin it for me or Louis. We are here to celebrate him surviving 1 year working together with us on radio 1,” he watches Louis with a warm smile, he is sitting next to Harry who popped in for this. “And because of that, we have this lovely lunch today.”

“With sandwiches,” Fifi says and the rest giggles. Nick sighs.

“It’s a thing, okay, we ate sandwiches when Louis first joined us and well, now we are going to have more sandwiches. So, everyone, let’s eat!”

Harry and Louis both laugh as Nick sits down next to him, Louis giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“You’re so dramatic,” he tells him. “But it’s sweet.”

“Hey, why does it say _‘will you marry me?”_ on my sandwich wrapper?” Tina asks suddenly. The others go quiet.

Nick goes deep red. Well _shit_.

“Uh,” he says, looking around. “Uh, maybe the… sandwiches…”

He hears a sob, and thinking it must be Harry he doesn’t look that way, and he doesn’t even dare to look at Louis. Tina laughs, shaking her head.

“Well sorry Grimmy, but I think I’m gonna have to turn you down here. But maybe we have some other takers?”

There’s a few giggles, but Nick is still feeling like an idiot. But as the giggles get quiet, he turns around and for the first time since Tina’s comment, he looks Louis in the eyes.

They are big, blue, and he looks close to tears, as well as in shock and surprise. Nick swallows.

“Louis…”

Louis mouths something, impossible to say what, but Nick knows that this is it. He glances over at Harry, who is completely in tears now with the biggest smile ever on his face. He is nodding, motioning to him to go on and Nick thinks, he thinks this is it.

He pushes his chair to the side, getting down on one knee in front of Louis. He reaches out his hand and Louis takes it.

Nick can feel him trembling, or he is the one trembling he isn’t really sure. It doesn’t matter.

“Louis Tomlinson,” he mumbles, even if he is sure Louis can hear every word just as clear. “I usually talk a whole lot, but this time I won’t. I just want to know one thing, ask you one thing, and I could go on forever on why I want this or why I think this is what we should do but I won’t… I’ll just…” he reaches into his pocket and fishing out the little black, velvet box holding a ring he took forever to pick out. He opens it, and as he does the room gasps at the sight.

Louis says nothing, but tears stream down his face now.

“Louis Tomlinson,” Nick says, and closes his eyes for a moment before opening them, looking at Louis as he clearly say the four most important words of his life. “Will you marry me?”

It’s quiet for a moment. Then Louis tackles him to the ground, kissing him passionately as his arms wrap around him.

“Yes, yes, of course yes, I will marry you!”

The rest of the room starts cheering at that, and soon Nick and Louis are indulged in a group hug that doesn’t seem to end before Nick has to laugh and interrupt them all.

“Stop, stop, I can’t breathe, help!”

Louis laughs and he pulls away as does the rest of them. His face is filled with tears but Nick is sure his own is too.

Louis shakes his head.

“Proposing over a sandwich. That’s lovely, Nicholas.”

Nick hums.

“Thought it was a great idea, just one problem.”

Louis arches an eyebrow.

“What?”

Nick looks around.

“When you knocked me over I dropped the ring and now I have no fucking idea where it went. Everyone, look!”

 

Having 10 friends crawling around on the floor searching for a ring moments after your proposal is probably not how much engagement starts, Nick thinks as he looks at the sight in front of him and Louis takes his hand, smiling softly.

But it’s something to tell the grandchildren.

**Author's Note:**

> still babygotstyles @ tumblr and twitter, hit me up.


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